Being Nice

Thoughts on niceness from a reformed jackass

It's not always easy

I spent a lot of my life being a jerk online. It was my shtick: I cultivated my shittiness as a personality, and I was actually proud of it. If you couldn't deal with it, that was your goddamn problem, not mine.

Man, I sucked.

Being like that for a fucking decade still fucks me up to this day. These days, I try to be nice to everyone, and to treat folks with kindness and respect, because that's the kind of person I want to be - but if I'm just a little bit tired, or something annoyed me, or my back's acting up, it's so goddamn easy to fall back into being a sarcastic little shit. I catch myself doing it all the time, and it really bothers me.

Is that just who I am?

I wonder that a lot. If it takes so much conscious effort on my part to be nice, is it just a facade? I wonder that a lot, too.

At the end of the day, I figure that if I'm trying to be nicer in all aspects of my life, and not just as a show for the public, then that, [person trying to be nicer], is who I really am. Not the asshole lingering just beneath. If my remaining dickotry is just a symptom of sleepiness, I feel confident in saying that's not The Real Me, and I don't need to have a Persona boss fight over this.

What if I, the Reader, am an asshole? Can I change?

Sure. Just be nicer. Not just on Twitter, not just to your friends, but to everyone, and at all times. You'll have to be more mindful, consider your words more carefully. It may feel like you're just putting on a show. But if you're sincere, and consistent, then you can be a genuinely nice person.

And isn't that awesome?